Friday, February 4, 2011

Global warming and liberal logic

Picture this...

Dr. Liberal I. Scientist (the "I" stands for "idiot") has to be in the forefront in the global warming scam; the "good" Doctor's views is that the earth is heating up due to the activity of mankind...er, "humankind" in p.c. speak.

"But isn't the sun involved?" says one detractor.

"The sun?" says the Doctor. "Utter nonsense. Why, the sun couldn't warm a flea by itself, let alone enable man to grow crops, get a sun tan, or evolve into factory workers who churn out sport utility vehicles by the bushel, spewing out so much carbon it would make your head spin!"

And our heads ARE spinning. Liberal logic leaves out the sun. Liberal logic leaves out the fact that at the same time temperatures went up on earth, they went up on Mars. Hey liberals out there in Fantasyland...are there any SUV's on Mars? Liberal logic leaves out the fact that scientists like the "good" Doctor aptly-described above (with the word "Idiot") have placed their Ronco-brand satellite temperature thermometer readers right next door to their offices, rooftops, airport tarmacs, slabs of concrete...ANYTHING that collects extra heat generated by man. I think they did that solely for the convenience of it all. Why bother to do a ten-mile hike into the forest to maintain your thermometer, when you can step outside your plush office after playing a round of Space Invaders with your Nintendo? Maybe all of that math and formula on their blackboards gives them a need to do something really childish.

So now the earth is cooling. Major snow storms across the Northern Hemisphere. A front 2,000 miles long gave new meaning to the term "white-out" in much of America. Liberals are coming out of the cracks like cockroaches in a kitchen, spouting off a litany of excuses. The cooling has just got to be related to warming. Could it be Al Gore had shut off the power to his Tennessee home by accident?

OK, I'll give them an excuse for global cooling. I'll think of a new reason for the drop in temperature. Rule 1.) it has to be done in such a way as to be done by the average liberal, and Rule 2.) it has to be completely and utterly ridiculous. Which means I may have to run head-first into a granite wall in order to get the proper explanation that would fit rather well into both rules here.

And here it is:

The recent drop in temperatures was done by Alaskan malamutes engaged in flatulence while being fed salmon in West Virginia breeding kennels. In order to save the world from the excessive moisture, we at the Preservation for a Liberal Lunatic Society (POLLS) propose kidnapping all sled dogs and putting them down. PETA will do that part, so it's legal! Cool, huh? Wanna share a few joints?

And there you have it. Global cooling/warming excused away with improper liberalism.

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